The Struggle of Change

This article originally appeared as the President’s Message in the January/February 2022 issue of Archival Outlook.

I have always been suspicious of resolu­tions timed with the new year. Why should an arbitrary calendar determine my self-reflection and decision to eat better/drink less/exercise more/read more/watch every Denzel film/change my life be tied to a specific day?

Making the decision to change is easy and sticking to it is hard. Culturally speaking, the new year is a convenient cut-off date to sweep out the old and commit to new habits. It’s the pressure we put on ourselves that is inconvenient, cruel, and often counterproductive.

Resolutions as a concept are in conflict with other maxims for change. “One day at a time” has long been used in twelve-step programs; it recognizes that the decision to change isn’t the last step—it’s one we must make every day. It also recognizes the struggle of change in each new day.

I am as suspicious of maxims and daily affirmations as I am of resolutions. This is born of my own cynicism and experience. I am beholden to the past. [1] Yet, this morning as I put on my shoes, I had an unkind thought about other people. I had to stop myself and actually said aloud, “I choose to be kind today.”

Ack! That’s not true—I just lied to you out of embarrassment! What I actually said was, “I choose to create abundance today.” At forty-two, I am still scared to fully share all that is in my heart.

I learned the language of abundance during a multiyear educational experience with the Asset Based Community Development (ABCD) program at DePaul University. The cynical side of me laughs it off as having made me a hippie. The side of me that still fears judgment and ridicule would tell you that it remains the single most transformative experience of my life.

The transformation that I experienced was largely about me embracing truths about myself and learning how to articulate my beliefs and put them into practice. I truly love other people, and I believe that we all have gifts and abundance and that together we can thrive and share the wealth of the Earth. [2]

My struggle, my opportunity for change, is to stay connected to that vision. It is hard. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and there are some days when even seeing my own gifts feels impossible (I call it “The Grey Veil’’). There are days when I am frustrated and angry with others and can’t see their gifts. Those are the days when I stop putting on my shoes and say aloud that I choose abundance. I say that I choose it so that I must do it.

I do not encourage you to tend to resolutions if they only make you feel guilty when you snag a cookie from the breakroom, or sleep through your alarm, or just can’t find the energy for what you promised yourself you would do. I do not encourage you to hang a farmhouse-chic aphorism over your kitchen sink. But I do wish for you to find a path to the changes that you want for yourself, and I wish that you find abundance within you so that you can recognize it in those around you.

And I will encourage you to explore Denzel’s full catalog. It is its own reward.

Notes

[1] My eternal thanks to a colleague who gave me these words.

[2] Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. called this the “beloved community.” I think there is no lovelier phrase in my native tongue.